Motherhood and loneliness at any stage

 

We always hear and read about the loneliness of being a new mum, how isolated you can feel those first few months when you have a child permanently attached to your hip/breast or both.  When your partner, if you have one, has to go back to work and those first few weeks of friends and family visiting you with gifts wears off and it's just you, the baby and a ridiculous amount of raging hormones.  Your body is trying to knit back together, you are trying to get into a routine, you're reading all the books, ensuring your baby is at the right developmental stage constantly, planning to cook fresh home made meals for when they start weaning and putting enormous pressure on yourself to have the picture perfect baby and life that you see all over social media. 

But what happens if you don't go back to work and months turn into years?  What happens when on the whole you are happy and enjoy your life but every so often you feel this pang of weariness, of isolation, of loneliness and it's down to the constant company of just your child.

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love motherhood, it's been the most amazing and wonderful experience.  So should we feel guilty that now and again we want to go to the toilet alone?  That it would be nice to be able to leave the house without having to negotiate with the Tasmanian devil to get dressed/brush teeth/insert your own struggle here?  Hell no.  My other half goes to work, ok he may have to walk the dogs before he goes sometimes, but apart from that, he just goes.  He doesn't have to worry about getting someone else ready, he's not governed by nursery opening and closing times or nap times or the toilet trips that happen 300 times a day.

Is it possible for someone who is upbeat, positive, relatively funny (well I think so), most of the time, to be lonely?  It's not like they don't have transport to get anywhere or friends, they do the school run, they get out and about, but can you still be lonely?

I would have questioned it too if I wasn't talking about myself.  I don't feel like I have the right to be lonely but this week has been testing.  Harriet has been poorly.  There's so many bugs and illnesses going around at the moment, it was inevitable that it was going to hit the Mears household at some point.  

When Harriet is poorly she's clingy.  She's all for mummy and nothing else will do.  After five days with a poorly, clingy child it starts to get to you. Obviously she is my main concern and her health is the most important thing, but after watching others visit, come and go, even my husband being able to leave for work, knowing he can do what he wants whilst he's out, talk to who he wants, sometimes it wears you down.  And today, I was at the end of my tether.  

When Harriet starts to feel a little better, the stropping and whinging takes over because she's tired, bored and irritable.  I like to call this asshole mode.  Ever had a tiny human kicking their legs in a tantrum and you bend forward at the wrong time?  No!  Well, just picture a fat lip that looks like a dodgy lip job, you'll understand where I'm going with this!  But you can't get angry they don't understand.  What you need is time away.  I have to say even driving to the supermarket on my own was a relief this afternoon.  I needed that couple of hours alone, ok the clothes shop I visited on the way may have helped too but I'm still not ridding myself of the loneliness I sometimes feel.  

I am the worlds worst at keeping in touch with my friends, then I feel guilty taking their time when I'm feeling low.  So after a few whats app messages, we have a made a pact that at least once a week we will get together.  Even if we can't go #outout (sorry, boring preggers one here), we can get together, laugh, talk, share and remind ourselves that we all have bad days, shit weeks, stress, anxiety, loneliness.  They may happen because of different stressors but the most important thing is that we all support each other.  

Don't suffer alone, we all have bad days, loneliness can creep up on you even in a house full of people, it's always better to talk, to share and to release.

Victoria 

x

MY FAVOURITES THIS MONTH

It's August, school's out, everyone is on a wind down and guess what? It's pretty much rained every day!  Typical British weather!  It's sweltering one week and the next I'm turning the heating back on (just don't tell my husband)!

I sit and stare at my pile of ironing that I should be doing whilst Harriet has a nap and I find my eyes and my mind creeping over to Instagram.  Social media has made a massive impact on the way we live our lives and for businesses, especially smaller companies and start ups, it has been a huge platform particularly those that don't have the marketing budget of international companies.  Thanks to artistic photos, bloggers, influencers and of course whether you love it or hate it, the new algorithm, you can find lots of new companies to buy from, bloggers to follow and  events to attend.

When I first started writing this blog I wanted it to be informative and well written, I wanted to  include my home life, fashion and interior design, but I find myself more and more talking about just my home life, my life with my family.  Initially, I wanted to have the most amazing pictures, I needed the latest digital camera straight away, I tried to make my husband become an Instagram husband (yes, I did and Nathan I'm sorry ha ha).  I read other blogs and wanted my life and my blog to be just like theirs. But for a blog to be genuine and capture peoples hearts, it has to be organic.  Yes we all post our best pics, I'm not going to lie about that but what I write is what happens to me, what we get up to, things I've purchased or recommend using.  Sometimes I think I should write a post and then I think to myself, what on earth am I going to write about?  Who cares what I've been up to this week?  But really, I am not writing this blog for popularity.  If any of my posts entertain you, inspire you or are informative then I'm truly grateful.  This is a way to express myself, my views and opinions but also to share memories' special events and the whirlwind that is becoming a mum.

Here are some of my favourites this month.

Parents of Fussy Eaters Rejoice
Someone I stumbled across on social media is  My Fussy Eater a blog dedicated to recipes, diet plans, tips and tricks, all for the most fussiest of eaters.  Harriet went through a phase of only eating yoghurt and spaghetti hoops, not even chocolate was appealing.  Luckily we seem to have moved through that stage but I found some great recipes on this blog.  One of her favourite snacks are Cheesy Puff Pastry Stars, not the healthiest snack in the world but if your children are already eating plenty of fruit and veg, who doesn't love a cheesy snack that's super easy to make?!

Ingredients

• 375g ready rolled puff pastry sheet (who has time to make their own?!?)
• 1 egg
• 50g grated cheddar cheese

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 180c and line a baking sheet with greaseproof paper.
2. Roll out the puff pastry sheet onto a floured surface. Use a star shaped cookie cutter to cut out individual pastry pieces and place them on the baking sheet. Using the egg, apply a thin layer of egg wash to the top of each pasty star and then top with a little cheese.
3. Bake in the oven for 10-12 minutes until the stars are golden.
4. Serve immediately or keep in an airtight container for up to 2 days.

Supporting Small Independent Businesses

I love supporting small businesses and was so happy when I stumbled across Bohemias Closet on Instagram I fell in love straight away.  A British company selling clothing and footwear created by a mum.  Beautiful handmade leather shoes and cotton rompers all packaged in drawstring bags.  Luxury items without a luxury price tag, be sure to check them out.  I am in love with Harriet's rose gold shoes!

Crafting

When I am trying to juggle pipe cleaners, paint, glue and feathers and also trying to stop Harriet gluing something on the dogs or painting my walls/floor this apron has been a life safer!  With a super fun colourful pom pom trim and made from hardwearing durable linen.  Its the perfect accessory for a busy mum and an even busier artistic toddler!  The length of the apron makes it perfect for me or a child, even Harriet who is shorter than most 2 year olds managed to wear it, in fact I couldn't get it back off her!  Such a fun design, who doesn't want to look this stylish whilst crafting and playing?  Available from Hoi Interiors

If there are any blogs or companies you follow, be sure to write a comment with their details.  Let's share the love.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend

Victoria
xx

MANAGING TIME

Sometimes I look at my watch and it is already 10:30am and I have literally done nothing.  Sometimes the simplest of tasks like convincing a child to eat their breakfast and then get dressed take me over an hour.  Sometimes it's 5pm and all I've managed to do all day is walk the dogs and feed my child. 

There is always a never ending amount of washing and ironing, there is always a never ending amount of dog hair on my beautiful cream tiles and there is always, always glass that needs cleaning thanks to two wet noses and a pair of constantly sticky hands!!

So how do some do it?  They work full time, their house is immaculate and they still have spare time for playing, arts and crafts and family time.  I barely have time to straighten my hair! 

I'll admit, Harriet isn't the earliest of risers (lucky me), so I take full advantage of this and stay in bed too!  I'm not a morning person, even when I worked full time I would hit the snooze button 74 times before I dragged my butt out of bed.  This I fear, may be my biggest down fall. 

I am always complaining that I can't get any housework done when I'm alone with Harriet.  She tries to ride the hoover and clean the dogs.  She empties the cupboards and drawers as fast as I'm putting things away.  I end up getting about one quarter of my list of jobs completed and it takes me all day.  On the very rare occasions that I am bright as a button early in the morning, it is true I get so much done.  But other days I take full advantage of my husband leaving at silly o'clock for work and I starfish in our bed until I hear 'Mummy, mummy, mummy'.   Does this make me selfish?  Lazy?  I think not.  We all have good days and bad days.  Sometimes Harriet sleeps all night, sometimes she doesn't.  Sometimes I nearly murder my husband when his snoring is still keeping me awake at 4am and sometimes I don't. 

But from the minute she wakes we don't stop.  Most mornings Harriet accompanies me on the morning dog walk along the canal.  It's so peaceful in the morning and so beautiful.  Now she's a little older she can help feed the ducks and we talk about the different animals we meet along the way.  It's then home to quickly change and eat a snack before we head out to her first activity of the day.  We meet friends, we play, we make things and we walk the dogs again in the afternoon.  We are always super busy but sometimes I am my own worse enemy when it comes to time management.

I have really enjoyed writing my blog over the last couple of months but I have been quiet for a couple of weeks.  I complained to my husband I hadn't had time, that every time I sit down to write, a toddler is screaming for my attention.  But truth is, I could be a little more organised.  I do think that because I am not working I am missing structure.  I insist Harriets days are quite structured (but not regimented) but I never follow my own advice.  I need to be more disciplined with myself and start organising my days better especially when she goes to sleep in the evening. 

So although I plan to be more organised and I have promised my husband I will cook more (yeah right!), if you do visit me and my home doesn't look 'insta-beautiful', that's because we are out having fun; we are learning and exploring.  Let's face it, the dogs are going to shed more hair tomorrow and Harriet will spill more food! 

Victoria
xx