BABY MASSAGE

Today I was invited to a taster baby massage class hosted by Cosy Hands Baby Massage https://cosyhands.com/ in the Discovery Room at John Lewis Cardiff.

Emma Bidhendy, is a qualified massage therapist and founder of Cosy Hands Baby Massage. Emma is also a busy mum of two and her main job as a Maternity & Breastfeeding Support Worker, she has done for almost 20 years.

In her words, Cosy Hands is something that has come as a natural extension of her main role, not just as a compliment to traditional post-natal care but as a way of helping to develop strong bonds between parent and baby in a natural and organic way.

Emma started off the session explaining what baby massage is and where it originates from.

Massaging children regularly from just a day or two after they are born is a centuries-old tradition still practised in many cultures.  In India, for example, up to 96 percent of care-givers practice traditional oil massage on their newborns.  

We stripped our babies down to their nappies to begin, with a lovely calming atmosphere and ideally low level lighting.  (Today we couldn't dim the lights due to John Lewis' lighting system) and asked our babies if they were ready for us to start.  Hugo was too busy rolling and cooing to the other babies to worry about what mummy wanted to do!

We used coconut fractionated oil to massage, just a pea size amount, (we patch tested first just to ensure they weren't allergic).  Emma guided us a through a full body massage, explaining what movements benefitted different ailments.

Baby massage can help with congestion, help relieve colic and constipation, improve sleeping patterns, plus much more.  It's also a wonderful way to bond with your baby.

Emma runs classes at Hot Yoga Health Newport and Mothercare Cardiff.  Please contact her for dates and times.  She can also offer 1-2-1 sessions within your own home.  Classes are suitable for babies between 6 weeks of age and crawling stage.

If you are unsure about joining a baby group then this is the ideal class.  Small class sizes, a warm, friendly environment and amazing bonding time with your baby.

If you've never done baby massage before, I highly recommend it.  I completed a course when I had Harriet and I continued throughout Harriet's baby stage and I can't wait to continue with Hugo.

Victoria
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A DOGS TALE

'Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole'

Are you a dog person?  Isn't everyone deep down a dog person?  To me dogs are the most wonderful animals on the planet.  I own horses, dogs, cats and goats, but nothing is as special as that bond between you and your dog.

The day we adopted him

We adopted buster 7 years ago from Hope Rescue.  We didn't care what breed, what colour, what size dog we had.  We just wanted a dog that suited our lifestyle and vice versa.  After filling in adoptions forms and having a home check, Hope Rescue suggested the dogs they had at the time that would  be most suitable.  We visited Buster first, a six month old collie cross ands immediately fell in love.  Buster had been in a foster home so they were able to test him with cats and other dogs, he was already toilet trained and had been neutered.

He is the kindest most loving dog I have ever owned.  My companion on many an adventure with  the horses, a surrogate mum to orphan lambs, babysitter to anyones children and postman attacker!

Buster and Harry

4 years ago we decided to adopt another dog from Hope rescue and Harry the lurcher pup entered our home.  They are such different dogs but bring so much joy (and dog hair) into our lives.  I think it's wonderful that Harriet and Hugo will grow up with these boys.

Having pets teaches children responsibility and compassion and definitely encourages an outdoor lifestyle.  Well, if you have dogs like ours that require a long, active, off lead walk twice a day in all weathers then you don't mind anything!

He has been my faithful companion through two babies, a house move and an additional dog.  He is still by my side wherever I go, even toilet trips.  He's still attacking the postman, still not listening out on walks, but still my best boy.

Here's to another 7 years Buster Boo

Victoria 

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My Birth Story

Finally, after having Hugo 9 weeks ago, I'm finally able to sit down and write about my experience of labour and birth second time around.

My first pregnancy was a breeze.  I gave birth twenty two minutes after walking though the hospital doors.  I had a straight forward episiotomy and my stitches healed very quickly.  I just bounced back within a week or two.  Easy pregnancy, easy birth and an easy postpartum journey.

I think that was why this labour was such a shock to the system.  I was so blasé, thinking I would walk in, pop the baby out and be back on my feet within days.  I was so confident about how I thought the birth would be.  How much I planned to do that first week after giving birth.   How wrong was I?! 

Hugo was back to back.  My labour was long, painful and exhausting.  As I pushed on all fours, I felt it was never going to end.  When I finally delivered him, if I'm totally honest, for the first few seconds I couldn't have cared if I had given birth to a horse.  I was in so much pain I think I was delirious and I was just grateful it was all over.  I felt quite bad about that for a while.  You are supposed to feel immense joy the minute the baby arrives but it took me a few minutes to feel like that.  It takes some women hours and others months and that's ok.  Trauma, however big or small affects us all in different ways.  You shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed.  Recognising it, having the courage to speak about it, is a massive step in itself.  

I tore quite badly, in fact, I tore at the front all the way to my clitoris hood.  I was in a state of shock initially, but once Hugo was placed on me and we had skin to skin contact, it was worth all of the pain.  Birth is a bizarre thing.  You go through this exhausting, painful, emotional, scary rollercoaster and as soon as it's over you're handed a living thing to look after for the rest of their life.  Life as you know it has completely changed forever,

They asked me if I wanted to go home that evening but I'm so glad I decided to stay in hospital.  I personally needed that time away from the house.  If I had gone straight home I would have been worrying about the dogs, feeling that I should be doing housework, trying to do as much as I could with Harriet.  It was nice to stay in and not have to worry about anything else for one night.  I was in pain and bleeding quite heavily so knowing the nurses were there to look after me rather than worrying at home, kept me at ease.  Plus knowing I had left a list of jobs for Nathan made me smile too.  He was going to have to cope with his work, a three year old, the dogs, the cat and the housework.  I couldn't trust him with the washing and ironing though!

I did try and do too much too soon this time.  I wanted to be up and having family strolls, showing our new bundle of joy off to the world straight away.  I felt frustrated with myself that I was in agony and couldn't cope walking to the car let alone long summer strolls.  Other new mums seemed to be out straight away as a family, well according to their instagram accounts they were and this made me feel even more pressure.  Plus no one tells you about the after pains on your second baby.  What are they about?  I felt cross with myself that I hadn't snapped back days after giving birth.  I was embarrassed of how I looked.  Looking back now, even just 9 weeks later, I can see how crazy I was being but at the time I couldn't see it.  I had all those emotions and hormones pumping around my body.  I didn't want to listen when people said 'you've only just had a baby'.  To me, accepting how I looked, meant I wasn't coping.  If I looked immaculate then people would think I had my shit together right? I wish I could go back a few weeks and tell myself to chill.  I'm glad I've realised now and I can relax and enjoy everything a little more.  Now I'm grateful for how I look right now because this body produced this amazing baby and these boobs are making him grow!

Hugo Monty Mears was born at 2:12pm on 14th June 2019 weighing 8lb3.  A perfect little boy to complete our family.  As much as I was shocked and pained by the birth, they do say time is a healer. Reading this back, which I started to write a week or so after he was born, I have to say, I would do it all over again!!!

Victoria
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PREGNANCY STYLE

You're pregnant! Congratulations!  Once you are passed that first trimester and the tiredness and the sickness and the hormones then hopefully you can start enjoying the pregnancy.  

You may find it hard to accept your changing body sometimes and I totally get that.  You may well still be exercising and still putting on weight in areas that you feel you shouldn't be.  For me it is my legs.  I've gained weight there on both pregnancies but in my first I swelled quite a lot too.  Please don't worry and do not diet whilst pregnant.  Just eat healthily for you and the baby and do as much or as a little exercise that you feel comfortable with.  You will have plenty of time to get that body back in shape afterwards and for me personally, breast feeding made the extra weight literally drop off.

 

You now have the fun bit of styling the bump!  I know some high street and online retailers now do amazing maternity ranges (thank god) but remember, you will probably only be wearing it for less than a year and maybe only once or twice again if you decide to have more children in the future.  Don't go crazy like me on my first pregnancy and buy literally the whole of the Asos maternity range!!! 

The one thing that you must buy when pregnant is decent underwear!  You don't need to spend a fortune but I would advise getting measured a couple of times throughout as your boobs just won't stop growing and your rib cage will probably expand too.  Non underwired bras are essential and you can get some amazing ones on the high street.  I tend to stick to good old Marks & Spencer as I have quite big boobs which become ginourmous when preggers and I know their will always fit. 

Make sure you get comfy pants too!  Those lacey thongs you usually rock will probably feel like cheese wire after a few months and there is nothing worse than seeing too small underwear digging into a woman's flesh underneath her clothes.  I bought my normal size but in regular, sensible pants and then bought a size larger as my hips widened.  You'll thank me after the baby is born and you have to wear those enormous gross pads!!!!

Lets move on to comfy basics and if you have one, your partners wardrobe.  Whether you are a leggings lover or not, leggings and joggers will seriously be the comfiest thing you can throw on even if you only wear them around the house.  Sometimes we have to switch up our style whilst pregnant because not all of our old favourites are practical.  I'm the crop top queen but I didn't fancy wearing one with my big belly hanging out (think All Saints circa 1998 and Melanie Blatt rocking the cargo pants and crop top with her baby bump!!)  Don't be afraid to raid his wardrobe.  My favourites have been my husbands hoodies and his shirts.  Hoodies are great for everything.  If you feel a bit too casual add a tailored coat or blazer over the top to sharpen the look.  I have also fallen in love with wearing his shirts underneath a jumper with a pair of jeans.  Again, this look is great with heels or trainers.

Look through your wardrobe for bump friendly items.  You'll be surprised what you can still wear well into your pregnancy.  Wrap dresses are great.  You may need to go up a size or two if the skirt section doesn't completely wrap around you, unless you're happy flashing the world whenever the wind blows!  

Any dresses that have an elasticated waist or have an empire line style are winners especially in that second trimester.  None of these dresses are maternity, I have either gone up a size or just pulled the elasticated waist up slightly above my bump.  

If you have loose dresses just add a belt above your bump to synch it in.  Blazers look great over nearly everything so don't be afraid to layer and if you want to wear a heel, add a smaller chunky heel.  Dresses of all lengths look great with trainers too if your feet have started to swell.  So much fun being pregnant isn't it?!?!? 

I have got to the stage now at 33 weeks pregnant that I have had to invest in a few proper maternity pieces.  You can get some amazing pieces online at amazing prices now.  My favourite go to brands for maternity are Asos, New Look and Boohoo.  They always have offers on so check regularly to bag yourself a bargain and happy shopping!

Victoria 

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Motherhood and loneliness at any stage

 

We always hear and read about the loneliness of being a new mum, how isolated you can feel those first few months when you have a child permanently attached to your hip/breast or both.  When your partner, if you have one, has to go back to work and those first few weeks of friends and family visiting you with gifts wears off and it's just you, the baby and a ridiculous amount of raging hormones.  Your body is trying to knit back together, you are trying to get into a routine, you're reading all the books, ensuring your baby is at the right developmental stage constantly, planning to cook fresh home made meals for when they start weaning and putting enormous pressure on yourself to have the picture perfect baby and life that you see all over social media. 

But what happens if you don't go back to work and months turn into years?  What happens when on the whole you are happy and enjoy your life but every so often you feel this pang of weariness, of isolation, of loneliness and it's down to the constant company of just your child.

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love motherhood, it's been the most amazing and wonderful experience.  So should we feel guilty that now and again we want to go to the toilet alone?  That it would be nice to be able to leave the house without having to negotiate with the Tasmanian devil to get dressed/brush teeth/insert your own struggle here?  Hell no.  My other half goes to work, ok he may have to walk the dogs before he goes sometimes, but apart from that, he just goes.  He doesn't have to worry about getting someone else ready, he's not governed by nursery opening and closing times or nap times or the toilet trips that happen 300 times a day.

Is it possible for someone who is upbeat, positive, relatively funny (well I think so), most of the time, to be lonely?  It's not like they don't have transport to get anywhere or friends, they do the school run, they get out and about, but can you still be lonely?

I would have questioned it too if I wasn't talking about myself.  I don't feel like I have the right to be lonely but this week has been testing.  Harriet has been poorly.  There's so many bugs and illnesses going around at the moment, it was inevitable that it was going to hit the Mears household at some point.  

When Harriet is poorly she's clingy.  She's all for mummy and nothing else will do.  After five days with a poorly, clingy child it starts to get to you. Obviously she is my main concern and her health is the most important thing, but after watching others visit, come and go, even my husband being able to leave for work, knowing he can do what he wants whilst he's out, talk to who he wants, sometimes it wears you down.  And today, I was at the end of my tether.  

When Harriet starts to feel a little better, the stropping and whinging takes over because she's tired, bored and irritable.  I like to call this asshole mode.  Ever had a tiny human kicking their legs in a tantrum and you bend forward at the wrong time?  No!  Well, just picture a fat lip that looks like a dodgy lip job, you'll understand where I'm going with this!  But you can't get angry they don't understand.  What you need is time away.  I have to say even driving to the supermarket on my own was a relief this afternoon.  I needed that couple of hours alone, ok the clothes shop I visited on the way may have helped too but I'm still not ridding myself of the loneliness I sometimes feel.  

I am the worlds worst at keeping in touch with my friends, then I feel guilty taking their time when I'm feeling low.  So after a few whats app messages, we have a made a pact that at least once a week we will get together.  Even if we can't go #outout (sorry, boring preggers one here), we can get together, laugh, talk, share and remind ourselves that we all have bad days, shit weeks, stress, anxiety, loneliness.  They may happen because of different stressors but the most important thing is that we all support each other.  

Don't suffer alone, we all have bad days, loneliness can creep up on you even in a house full of people, it's always better to talk, to share and to release.

Victoria 

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THE JEANS I CAN'T TAKE OFF

If you had told me a few years ago that I would be obsessed with the jeans your mum had in the 80's and 90's I would have laughed at you. Fast forward to 2017/18 and I'm obsessed.

So what is a pair of "mom" jeans? Typically they have a higher waist, sitting around the same height as your natural waist.  The leg is tapered and the crotch area is more relaxed.

Personally, I find these teamed with a heel make the leg appear slimmer. I like to roll mine up slightly and show a bit of ankle (risqué I know!!). You can dress them up or down and they just... work.

I'm not a massive fan of low slung jeans anymore. Back in my early twenties I wore them as low as they could possibly be and teamed them with a cropped, crop top (think Aguilera style). But now I'm all about the mom jeans. The waist is flattering and comfortable (how old do I sound?!?!) but it means I can tuck blouses in, or wear a bodysuit or layer a sweater. Perfect waist height!  My favourites are H&M as I'm quite petite and some brands are too baggy for me and I look like I'm drowning in denim.

My top tip for mom jeans; try not to wear a baggy shirt or top or you will look "vintage" and if that's the look you're going for then great, but for a lot of people it will be too much and you'll lose your shape completely.

My favourite on the high street right now:

These are the pair I never take off!  A slightly slimmer, mom jean fit with pearl embellishment.

 H & M Slim Mom Jeans

Another slightly slimmer leg pair, in washed denim.  Amazing with a skinny knit and white boots!

H & M Light Blue Mom Jeans

Slim fit again, in a classic mid wash denim.  I would pop a Tee and mules with this look.

Asos Slim Fit Mid Blue Mom Jeans

Classic Mom Jean.  Straight outta the 80's and 90's.  Love these!

Pretty Little Thing Classic Mom Jean

These work well with a heel or trainers.  Add a classic cult sweater or a slogan Tee.

Boohoo Sports Stripe Mom Jeans

I would definitely say give them a try, but shop around. The style slightly varies from store to store.  So don't be put off if the first shop you visit, you hate them.  When you find the right colour and style for you, you'll definitely be pleasantly surprised.  They instantly transform an outfit from normal to cool.  You only have to search on Instagram to see any fashionista worth her Gucci belt rocking these bad boys!

Happy shopping

Victoria
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